Stille Zeit – was soll das (sein)?

„Beziehung zu Gott – das muss man üben!“, sagten sie.
„Gott schweigt auch mal“, sagten sie. „Aber rede, rede mit ihm, wie mit einem Freund, er redet auch mit dir, sicher, wenn nicht direkt, mit einem Brief, gefaltet, der nach Weihrauch duftet und morgens vor dem Bett liegt, dann doch wenigstens in der Bibel. Lies, lies nur, er wird zu dir sprechen!“

Also habe ich gelesen. Das dritte Buch Mose habe ich übersprungen. Und, na gut, die Chroniken und das Lukasevangelium auch. Aber sonst: Ich hab die ganze Bibel durchgelesen! Jeden Tag ein Kapitel. Das hat zwei oder drei Jahre gedauert. Genau weiß ich das nicht mehr, ich war damals so 13 bis 15. Nun, Spaß gemacht hat mir das Ganze nicht. Ich habe auch mit niemandem über neue Fragen, Gedanken oder tiefe geistige Erlebnisse gesprochen.
Weil es all das nicht gab.

Überrascht wurde ich kaum, denn die wichtigsten Stellen und Geschichten waren mir vertraut. Den Rest hatte man nie erzählt, zu Recht, wie ich nach und nach feststellte, denn es war gähnend langweilig. Doch das hat mich damals nicht gestört. Ich las einfach weiter jeden Tag meine Hoffnung-für-Alle-Bibel.


»Bibel lesen. „Das macht man als Christ“, sagten sie

 

Gelegentlich überkam mich bei einer Geschichte Dankbarkeit, alle paar Wochen entdeckte ich doch etwas Interessantes. Ansonsten schlug ich die Bibel auf, las und schlug sie wieder zu. Pflicht erfüllt. Fertig. Licht aus und schlafen. Das Wichtigste bei all dem war und blieb, und da war es völlig egal, was ich beim Lesen spürte, das Wichtigste war, dass ich es tat: Bibel lesen. “Das macht man als Christ”, sagten sie.

Ob es Spaß macht oder nicht, das spielt gar keine Rolle. Ich war ein guter Christ. Also las ich. Oder ich las, um ein guter Christ zu sein. Egal wie rum.

Machen wir es kurz: Das war großer Quatsch. Dennoch glaubte ich, so leben zu müssen. Wohl, weil es über viele Jahre hinweg durch viele Andachten, Gespräche, Bemerkungen und Blicke so in mich hineingesickert ist.
Um ehrlich zu sein:

Die Bibel langweilt mich an vielen Stellen tierisch.

Sie ist eine großartige Richtschnur, sie ist das Fundament meines Glaubens, meiner Einstellungen, die sich aus der großen Story der Bibel, aber sonst aus wenigen wirklich wichtigen Stellen speist. Daneben interessiert mich vieles herzlich wenig. Und sie verbindet mich auch nicht einfach so, zack, nur weil ich zwischen die richtigen Buchdeckel starre, mit Gott, dem Unendlichen, Ungreifbaren, Wunderbaren.
Ich denke: Ein Christ muss das nicht tun. Gott lässt sich nicht auf Knopfdruck herbeiholen (auch wenn er natürlich immer da ist). Aus inneren Zwängen heraus zu handeln, entspricht ihm nicht. Es widerspricht dem, was ER für uns will.


»Ich probierte geführte Meditationen aus.«

Nachdem ich mich von dieser Sichtweise der sogenannten „Stillen Zeit“ gelöst hatte, nachdem ich sie lange gehasst, dann nur noch als fremd und belanglos angesehen hatte, näherte ich mich ihr durch die Hintertür wieder an.

Ich probierte geführte Meditation aus. Ich ging ins Kloster zum Schweigen. Ich versuchte mir für morgens und abends Rituale zu schaffen, die meinen Tag strukturieren, mir Ruhe schenken und Fokussierung ermöglichen sollten. Selbstoptimierung, Meditation und so, das sind ja alles hippe Sachen. Das machen alle, das hat nichts mit meinem christlichen zwanghaften Erbe zu tun. Oder? Habe ich nicht doch versucht, hier zwei Fliegen mit einer Klappe zu schlagen? Die Sache nicht „Stille Zeit“ nennen müssen, dennoch irgendwie Gebet einbauen (christlich anerkannt) und tiefsinnig und konzentriert wirken(gesellschaftlich anerkannt). Die alte Norm der Einkehr, der Gottessuche erfüllen, ein guter Christ sein und gleichzeitig ein toller Typ in unseren unruhigen Zeiten.

Nun, machen wir es kurz: Ich schaff das nicht[1]. Was nicht zu mir passt, passt nicht zu mir.

 


»Was will ich von so einer Stillen Zeit eigentlich?«

Ich scheitere am Ruhe suchen. Scheitere an dem eigenen Bild, das ich mir von mir mache. Es ist das Bild, von dem ruhigen, tiefenentspannten, weltgewandten, spirituellen Typen, der im Schneidersitz und geraden Rücken ein- und ausatmet und dabei die Gebete alter Mönche rezitiert.

Also, nochmal auf null.
Was will ich von so einer Stillen Zeit eigentlich?

Für mich: Ich will in die Tiefe gehen, mir ordentlich Gedanken über mein Leben, meine Arbeit und meine Beziehungen machen. Ich will sich einschleichende, falsche Verhaltensweisen aufdecken und mir neue, konkrete Ziele stecken. Ich will mir bewusst werden, wie gut ich es habe, dankbar werden und an liebe Menschen denken. Kurz: meine Beziehungen, mein Denken und mein Verhalten überdenken und neu ausrichten – und das alles irgendwie möglichst im Lichte Gottes.

Und jetzt, ganz nüchtern: Wo erlebe ich das, auch ohne die stille Stille Zeit, schon heute, in meinem Leben, als meine „Stille Zeit“? Ich erlebe es in der Faszination guter Literatur, die mich ergreift, die mich überrascht, herausreißt und in völlig neuen Bahnen denken lässt. Ich erlebe es im Schreiben, wenn ich das Glück erleben darf, vollkommen fokussiert zu sein, die pure Präsenz, wenn das Denken nicht bestimmt wird, sondern sich selbst bestimmt. Dieses Gefühl erlebe ich auch beim Wandern, beim Spazieren gehen, beim Fliegen lassen der Gedanken, bei der Faszination von Wasser, Bäumen und der Sonne.

 


»In der Tiefe ist Wahrheit. Und in der Beziehung komme ich da hin.«

 

Und ich erlebe es vor allem in Beziehung. Bei Streits und Versöhnung, bei Gespräch um Gespräch mit meiner Freundin, in ihren Fragen, die mich und meine Sorgen ernst und wichtig nehmen. Ich erlebe es, wenn es mit ihr dann in die Tiefe geht, dahin wo es weh tut. Dahin, wo ich die Kontrolle verliere und mich selbst nicht mehr verstehe; und in ihrem Wohlwollen, dass sie mich trotz allem noch mag.

Für mich gilt: „Wo der Geist ist, da ist Freiheit.“ Und wie der Theologe Paul Tillich es so schön sagt: “In der Tiefe ist Wahrheit.” Und in der Beziehung komme ich da hin.

Darum mache ich Stille Zeit, so wie ich bin, wie es mir passt, und zwar als ein WIR, dass es uns in die Tiefe unsres Denkens, unsres Fühlens, unsrer Fragen und Erkenntnisse bringt und zerrt. So dass wir staunen, dass wir zittern, dass wir schreien und jubeln, weil wir leben, weil wir das oder es oder ihn spüren dürfen in all seiner Dunkelheit und all seinem Licht.

Wenn meine Stille Zeit dafür laut, „ohne Gott“ und ohne die Bibel sein muss – dann sei es so!
Halleluja!

[1] Noch nicht?

P.S.: Wenn ich in Markos Antwort vom Segen der Ruhe und des Rückzugs lese, überkommt mich Sehnsucht, es doch wieder zu versuchen. Vielleicht (klar, unwahrscheinlich…) hat er ja recht.

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