Rilke: der Wort-Schenker

Man lese dieses Gedicht von Rainer Maria Rilke laut [alternativ hier zum Hören]:

Ich ließ meinen Engel lange nicht los,
und er verarmte mir in den Armen
und wurde klein, und ich wurde groß:
und auf einmal war ich das Erbarmen,
und er eine zitternde Bitte bloß.

Da hab ich ihm seine Himmel gegeben,
und er ließ mir das Nahe, daraus er entschwand;
Er lernte das Schweben, ich lernte das Leben
und wir haben langsam einander erkannt…
(Rainer Maria Rilke)

Jetzt kennt man es.

Also lese man es nochmal!

 

Ich schreibe über dieses Gedicht, weil ich es liebe.
Auch wenn die Gefahr besteht, dass meine stammelnden Umschreibungen dir, lieber Leser, nur den Blick auf dieses Gedicht trüben, will ich es dennoch versuchen.
Wenn du deinen eigenen Zugang behalten oder finden willst, dann lies nicht weiter.

Ich ließ meinen Engel lange nicht los,
und er verarmte mir in den Augen.

Der Engel steht für meinen Glauben. Ich klammerte mich an ihn, an seine Sicherheiten. An sein „lieber Herr Jesus bitte…“ und „guter Gott lass doch…“. An Verlorenheit und Rettung, an Christ und Nicht-Christ, an den Auftrag, den wir in der Welt haben und die Liebe, die wir doch damit verbreiten.
Dieser Glaube aber war beigebracht, er bestand aus Lehren, nicht aus Leben.
Das ist weniger Vorwurf, als schlicht natürlich: Glauben wird gelehrt und gelernt. Von Anderen.
Aber die eigene Erfahrung, das eigene Gefühl, fügt sich in das Gelernte nicht automatisch ein.
Also erschlafft der Glaube, wie eine Hand, die beim Händedruck zu früh lockerlässt und sich dann wie ein schlabbriger Fisch in der Eigenen anfühlt.

und wurde klein, und ich wurde groß:
und auf einmal war ich das Erbarmen,
und er eine zitternde Bitte bloß.

Mein nicht selbst erlebter, nicht selbst durchdachter, nicht selbst geliebter Glaube wurde mir also klein. Er wurde unangenehm gegenüber „normalen“ Menschen, entspannteren Gläubigen, scharfen Denkern und Kritikern. So ein Glaube, nein, da geht mehr, da kann ich mehr, das brauch ich nicht.
Eine Weile noch duckte er sich klein und zitternd in einer Ecke meines Lebens, …

Da hab ich ihm seine Himmel gegeben,
und er ließ mir das Nahe, daraus er entschwand;

Also: Loslassen. Mein Leben selbst anpacken, die Freiheit ergreifen, mich frei machen, zu mir selbst finden, mich erfahren, in mich hinabsteigen, meine Tiefen ausloten, meine Fragen leben. Den Glauben damit groß werden lassen.
Ihm seinen Raum geben, ihn aus der Ecke holen.
Vielleicht fühlt sich das irgendwann nicht mehr wie Händedruck an, egal schlabbrig oder fest, sondern wie eine warme Umarmung.

Er lernte das Schweben, ich lernte das Leben
und wir haben langsam einander erkannt…

Und damit wieder Hoffnung haben. Hoffnung, für einen Glauben, meinen Glauben, der sich mir gereift, entspannt, mutig, hoffnungsfroh entgegenstreckt. Dessen Hand zu greifen nicht mehr mit einem beschämten Blick über die Schulter, mit einer seufzend zerrenden Ungeduld verbunden ist, sondern mit  Freude und einem sich immer mehr ausweitenden Erkennen.
Freier, immer freier.
Tiefer, immer tiefer.

Nun, dieses Erkennen kann nicht näher benannt werden, es ist im Werden.
Zu voller Blüte hat sich Das – was auch immer es ist? Muss es Glauben heißen? – noch nicht entfaltet. Seine Arme aber scheinen schon zur Umarmung geöffnet.

Ob ich es mir wünschen soll, jemals von diesen Armen umschlossen zu werden?
Ich bezweifle es.
Ein Weg soll es bleiben, ein stolpernder zwar, wie diese Erklärungen, die nur tanzen wie Wellen auf einer unauslotbaren Tiefe, aber doch ein Weg.

Darum, zum Abschluss, noch ein paar schäumende Kronen, die zur Zeit meinen Weg durchwellen:
} Aufhören Christ sein zu wollen und einfach Mensch sein (wie ein guter Freund schrieb)
} Wir müssen die Sinnlosigkeit umarmen, um die Macht des Sinns zu brechen
} Glauben kann der, an den geglaubt wurde.

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