Sollten wir nicht alle in offenen Beziehungen leben?

Der Mensch ist nicht monogam. Der Mann schon gleich dreimal nicht. Er will seinen Samen verteilen. Wir sperren uns heute in lebenslange, kleingeistige Beziehungsformen, dabei passt das gar nicht zu uns. Deswegen gibt es diese vielen Scheidungen und Seitensprünge. Die Kleinfamilie ist eine Erfindung der Religionen, der Kirchen. Sie ist ein Gefängnis für den Menschen. Ein System das auf Neid und Eifersucht beruht. Ein System das keine Freiheit gönnt, das unsere natürliche Lebensweise verkennt.

Vor langer Zeit lebten die Menschen in Großgruppen zusammen und teilten alles (sogenannte Ur-Kommunen). Sie teilten die gejagte Beute und die erstellten Werkzeuge. Sie teilten sich die Kindererziehung und sie teilten sich die Sexualpartner. Ein Mann wollte mit möglichst vielen Frauen schlafen, um seinen Samen zu verteilen. Frauen wollten mit möglichst vielen Männern schlafen, damit nicht klar war, wer der Vater des Kindes war. Damit sich viele verantwortlich fühlten und so die ganze Gruppe die Kinder gemeinsam großzog.

Diese Gene besitzen wir noch heute. Wir Menschen haben uns nicht verändert. Darum sind lebenslange, ausschließliche Beziehungen nichts für uns. Darum müssen wir unsere Partner, wenn wir welche haben, frei lassen, los lassen, teilen. Darin steckt keine Gefahr. Es ist natürlich. Wir wollen uns mit vielen Menschen paaren. Davor sollten wir keine Angst haben, wir sollten uns lieber darüber freuen und es neu gemeinsam erlernen.

 


»Sollten meine Freundin und ich uns Offenheit für eine offene Beziehung einreden – weil wir Menschen ja von Natur aus so sind?«

 

Eine solche oder ähnliche Meinung ist mir in letzter Zeit häufiger begegnet.
Sie verunsichert mich, denn sie torpediert das Lebensmodell Ehe, auf das ich zusteuere. Sie macht sich lustig über biedere Eifersucht. Sie wertet das Modell ab, das ich bei meinen Eltern als stabil und beruhigend, als warme Geborgenheit erlebt habe. Sollte ich mich öffnen? Sollte ich meiner Freundin einreden, dass wir uns öffnen sollten, dass eine offene Beziehung viel besser zu uns passen würde, weil wir Menschen schlicht so gemacht sind? Sollten wir gegen unsere Eifersucht, gegen unsere Angst verletzt zu werden und uns einsam zu fühlen ankämpfen? Gegen die Schreckensvision alleine zuhause zu liegen und morgens um sieben den Partner nach Hause kommen zu hören und sich vorzustellen, dass er oder sie eine Nacht mit einer fremden Person verbracht hat? Soll ich lernen das normal zu finden?[1]

Gleichzeitig fasziniert mich die Story der Ur-Kommune. Gibt es nicht viele schöne Frauen? Wäre es nicht schön, verschiedene Erfahrungen zu sammeln? Sich ausprobieren zu dürfen, ohne Angst, ertappt zu werden, weil alles sein darf? Niemand hat ein Anrecht auf mich, oder? Warum also nicht die Freiheit suchen, neues wagen?

Also: Was ist dran, an dieser Deutung unserer Geschichte?
Mir ist sie bisher als historische Tatsache, als unsere eigentliche, natürliche Lebensweise verkauft worden. Stimmt das? Was ist mit der Bibel? (Ich will nicht sagen „Schöpfungsordnung“ – daran glaube ich nämlich nicht) Steht da nicht ein Mann und eine Frau? Klar, dass die Bibel nicht gerade vor Evolutionswissenschaft strotzt, wissen wir. Aber viele von uns (ich zumindest) versuchen doch Evolutionsgeschichte und Bibel zusammen zu lesen. Es muss nicht alles in der Bibel historisch wahr sein, aber die Richtung sollte zumindest passen. Und die Richtung der Bibel zeigt meines Erachtens entweder auf Ehelosigkeit oder monogame Beziehung (z.B. Mt 19, 1-9).

 


»Ist es mal wieder nur eine Frage der Zeit, bis wir Kirchenmenschen auf den Mainstream einschwenken und uns für offene Beziehungen aussprechen?«

 

Wird von Jesus demnach ein unnatürliches, sprich ein uns nicht entsprechendes, den Menschen eigentlich zutiefst fremdes Lebensmodell propagiert? Müssen wir uns zwischen Evolutionsgläubigkeit und Bibelgläubigkeit entscheiden? Heißt es also mal wieder: Wissenschaft gegen Religion? Werden wir Kirchenmenschen uns wieder eine Weile mit Drohungen und Untergangsszenarien wehren (siehe: Erde = Scheibe oder Kugel? Siehe: Stellung der Frau …) – um dann früher oder später doch auf die Mainstreamlinie einzuschwenken?

Ich gebe zu: das ist ein unrealistisches Szenario. Die Kleinfamilie scheint aktuell ein weltweit unanfechtbares Modell zu sein und die eingangs dargestellte Sichtweise zur Ur-Kommune scheint nur von einer Minderheit vertreten zu werden.
(Vielleicht hat von euch Lesern noch kaum einer davon gehört und dieser Text ist total für die Katz.)

Egal. Zumindest mir hat folgende Erkenntnis, gewonnen aus dem weltweiten Bestseller „Eine kurze Geschichte der Menschheit“ von Yuval Noah Harari[2], in der Sache sehr geholfen:
Wir können kaum etwas über die Beziehungen, die Kultur und Religion der Wildbeuter (bevor unsere Vorfahren Bauern wurden) sagen. Aus den gefunden Speerspitzen und Werkzeugen lässt sich schlicht nicht genug ablesen. Die wenigen unberührten Völker, die bis vor kurzem überlebt haben, sind so unglaublich unterschiedlich in ihren Lebensweisen, dass sie uns keine Rückschlüsse über eine eventuelle natürliche Lebensweise oder eine Ur-Kommune geben. „Vielleicht lebten die Bayern in urkommunistischen Gemeinschaften, während die Sachsen Kleinfamilien bevorzugten“, schreibt er (S.63). Die Bayern mögen an die Widergeburt geglaubt und gleichgeschlechtliche Beziehungen erlaubt haben, die Sachsen hingegen hielten die Widergeburt für Unfug und Homosexualität war tabu.

 


»Es gibt keine natürliche Lebensweise

 

Kurz: Wir können nur spekulieren, sind aber weitestgehend sicher, dass es schon immer eine riesige Vielfalt menschlicher Lebensformen gegeben hat. Wir haben „keine natürliche Lebensweise […] Wenn Wissenschaftler trotzdem Theorien aufstellen, dann verraten diese oft mehr über ihre eigenen Sehnsüchte und Vorurteile als über die Religionen der Steinzeit.“ [S.64 und 78]

Warum erleichtert mich diese Erkenntnis?
Nun sie zeigt, dass es nach unseren Genen nicht eine richtige Form zu leben gibt. Wer das behauptet, bewegt sich wissenschaftlich auf sehr dünnem Eis. Ich kann einem Ur-Kommunen-Jünger entgegnen, dass er gerne eine offene Beziehung leben darf. Ja, sicher, das gab es bei unsren Vorfahren. Aber es gab auch damals schon andere Modelle. Mein Modell der monogamen Beziehung (heute oft: Ehe) zum Beispiel. Jesus zu folgen, widerspricht also keineswegs unserer Natur. Es ist ein Weg zu leben. Ich muss deswegen andere Lebensformen nicht verteufeln.
Aber ich wähle den Weg der Ehe, denn an sie glaube ich,
durch meinen Glauben
(und aufgrund meiner Eltern).

 

 

[1] Aber wo ist heute das Dorf, das gemeinsam die Kinder großziert? Wo ist heute die überschaubare Gruppe, die alles teilt: das Dach über dem Kopf, die Beute, die Wasserquelle und die Werkzeuge? Carsharing und Kitas sind es zumindest noch nicht.

[2] Ja, ich stütze meine Erklärung jetzt nur auf dieses Buch (S.58-64). Das tue ich, weil es weithin als sehr gut recherchiert, als auf dem neusten Stand der Forschung gepriesen wird. Was nicht heißt, dass es unfehlbar ist. Dennoch hat mich die folgende Darstellung so überzeugt, dass ich ihr erst einmal folgen will.

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    Es könnte lohnend sein zu überlegen, was die „Freiheit“, von der du zweimal schreibst, in diesem Kontext eigentlich heißt?!
    Dass der Gedanke, mit „vielen schönen Frauen“ (bzw. mit vielen schönen Männern) Sex zu haben, auf den ersten Blick etwas Faszinierendes hat, will ich gar nicht pauschal leugnen. Aber wenn ich das nur ein kleines bisschen weiter denke, dann finde ich es aus verschiedenen Gründen überhaupt nicht erstrebenswert. Ist es nicht so, dass hier (und doch auch in vielen anderen Lebensbereichen) eine Festlegung gerade befreiend sein kann?! Oder anders: Machen mich Unverbindlichkeit und unbegrenzte Möglichkeiten frei? (Vom Glücklich-Machen mal ganz zu schweigen …)

    Abgesehen davon bezweifle ich durchaus, dass der Abschied vom monogamen Beziehungsideal den Abschied von „Neid und Eifersucht“ bedeutet. (Ich hab vorhin länger drüber nachgedacht, wieso ich so denke. Das war aufschlussreich, aber würde jetzt zu weit führen.)

    Interessant finde ich auch noch die Frage, ob denn ein Ja zu einer monogamen Beziehung automatisch bedeutet, „die Kleinfamilie“ als DAS Lebensmodell schlechthin zu sehen.
    „Wo ist heute die überschaubare Gruppe, die alles teilt“, fragst du. Und JA, das ist doch eine spannende, verheißungsvolle Frage an uns Christ/innen!

    Wie leben wir Gemeinde/Gemeinschaft/Kommunität/Kommune, die noch über Carsharing und Kinderbetreuung hinausgeht (was allerdings doch schonmal gute Anfänge wären *g*)?
    Ich habe da eine große Sehnsucht! Und die finde ich übrigens in Genesis 2 wieder (bzw. begründet), wo Gott feststellt, dass das Alleinsein des Menschen nicht gut ist. Und wo er dem Menschen dann ein Gegenüber, eine Entsprechung erschafft. Da geht es doch wohl nicht nur um Sex, oder?!

    Dieser Gemeinschaftssehnsucht jedenfalls will ich weiter nachspüren.
    Und vielleicht lande ich dann ja irgendwann mal in einer Realität, die unterm Strich näher an der von dir beschriebenen Ur-Kommunen-Idee ist als an dem Ideal der bürgerlichen Kleinfamilie. Ich glaub, das würde mich freuen. –
    Trotzdem würd ich in jedem Fall drauf bestehen, dass – wie soll ich sagen – “die Klotüren eingehängt bleiben”. Dass die anderen Menschen in der Kommune zwar mein Dach über dem Kopf, meine Beute, meine Wasserquelle und meine Werkzeuge mit mir teilen dürften. Aber nicht meinen Mann. 😉

    Danke für die Denkanstöße! 🙂

  • […] Vor ein paar Tagen hat Daniel Trommler auf der neuen Blogger Plattform „Neolog“ einen Beitrag zum Thema offene Beziehungen veröffentlicht. Er stellte die Frage: Sollten wir nicht alle in offenen Beziehungen leben? […]

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