Geschenke

Der Schriftsteller sprang auf. Dabei riss er eine Seite aus seinem Notizbuch. Der Stuhl knallte gegen das Bücherregal hinter ihm, während er Richtung Küche floh. Unterwegs zerknüllte er den Text. In der Küche pfefferte er ihn in den überquellenden Müll. Fruchtfliegen entschwirrten von Bananenschalen und vergammelten Nudeln. Er fuchtelte nach ihnen. Doch als er das Schneidebrett auf die Ablage gerumst und die ersten Zucchini malträtiert hatte, umschwirrten die Fliegen schon wieder seinen Kopf. Er hielt kurz inne und fixierte die Flugbahn von einer. Dann – zack – ruckte sein linker Arm hoch und er schnappte zu. Vorsichtig öffnete er die Faust. Nichts summte. Nichts schwirrte. Nur ein kleiner Matsch-Fleck war in seiner Handfläche zu sehen.
Sein Mund lächelte.
„Ach, wasn Scheiß“, brummte er und spülte den Klumpen hinab in sein Abflussgrab.

Dann machte er das Radio an und wandte sich wieder der Zucchini zu.
„Vorweihnachtszeit“, sagte die Stimme aus dem Radio.
„Zeit für Ruhe“, sagte die Stimme weiter.
„Wissen Sie, wir alle kämpfen darum etwas ganz Besonderes zu sein.
Wir führen einen Besonderheits-Krieg in unserer Sonder-Angebots-Welt.
Wir wollen alle Künstler sein. Essens-Künstler. Reise-Künstler. Musik-Mal-Theater-Schreib-Künstler.
Und wissen Sie was? Dabei sind wir so besonders wie eine Armee von Lemmingen.“

Was für ein dämlicher Vergleich, dachte der Schriftsteller und hieb auf Pilze ein, während die Zucchini in der Pfanne zischten.
„Und was passiert, wenn Sonderheits-Held Sven und Sonderheits-Heldin Sonja ihre Äuglein öffnen und sich ansehen? Sie werden sauer.
Wir werden sauer. Wir fahren die Ellbogen aus, verkaufen uns besser, promoten uns lauter und kämpfen um den letzten Rest Aufmerksamkeit.
Um den letzten Rest Aufmerksamkeit in einer übersättigten Hauptsache-ihr-habt-Spaß-Gesellschaft.
Und schon sind wir genau gleich, wie der ganze kapitalistische Sondermüll um uns herum.
Der Sondermüll dem wir meinten, uns so kritisch-kreativ entgegenzustellen.“

Der Schriftsteller hatte die Zucchini mittlerweile von der Platte genommen. Die Pilze schnitt er jetzt in zarte Scheiben.
„Vorweihnachtszeit. Zeit für Ruhe“, wiederholte die Stimme.
„Wie wäre es, wenn wir uns da mal eine Besonderheitspause gönnen würden? Den Kampf ruhen lassen. Und das Wichtigste: Uns selbst gut finden. Einfach gut finden. Das wäre das beste Weihnachtsgeschenk, das wir uns machen könnten.“
Da legte der Mann das Messer zur Seite und machte das Radio aus. Er ging zum Mülleimer und holte den Text heraus. Er setzte sich an den Küchentisch, strich den Zettel glatt und lutschte sich dabei Bröckchen vergammelter Pasta von den Fingern.
Dann las er:

„‘Diese Geschichte soll dir ein Geschenke sein‘, las der Freund den ersten Satz vor. Die Dame, die manchmal versuchte Geschichten zu schreiben, lümmelte auf dem Sessel herum, auf dem schon Heidegger, mit ihrem Opa philosophierend, gethront hatte. Der Freund hatte die Geschichte aus dem Papiermüll vor dem Herrenhaus der Dame gefischt, wo diese mit mit Lemmingen verziertem Geschenkpapier hineingestopft worden war.

‚Aber das ist doch ein schöner Anfang!‘ piepste der Freund und schaute, wie Menschen schauen, wenn sie das kreative Erzeugnis ihnen nahestehender Personen beurteilen sollen. ‚Ist es nicht!‘, sagte die Dame und straffte ihre beachtlichen Schultern:
‚Und wenn schon, muss es heißen: >Diese Geschichte soll mir selbst Geschenke sein< Mir selbst, nur mir selbst, anders geht das nicht!‘
‚Ach was‘, entgegnete der Freund erleichtert. Seine Aufgabe war fast erledigt. ‚Auf jeden Fall, darfst du das nicht wegschmeißen! Das ist was ganz Besonderes!‘“

„Oh Gott, wasn scheiß!“, brummte der Schriftsteller am Küchentisch und zerriss den Text in nicht unerheblich viele Teile. Er stand wieder auf und drückte die Textreste, neben Bananenschale und Nudeln, tief in den Müll hinein. Er machte das Radio wieder an und wechselte den Sender.
Als er gerade wieder das Messer in die Hand nehmen wollte, klingelte es an der Tür.
Er öffnete. Da stand seine Freundin und lächelte.
Lächelte ihn an.
Lächelte wunderschön.
Da wuchs er ein paar Zentimeter, hob ein wenig die Mundwinkel und flüchtete in ihre Umarmung.

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